HI, TECHCRUNCH HERE WITH AN AMAZING NEW PRODUCT, BRIZZLY
Are you trying to stay off social media, but just can’t seem to stop yourself from posting?
When random thoughts pop into your head, do you find yourself launching Twitter and typing before you remember you’re trying to quit?
Well, now there’s a better way.
Hello, Brizzly.
Brizzly is a revolutionary new app designed just for social media quitters.
With Brizzly, you can satisfy your over-sharing urges with its all-natural social media substitute.
It’s just like the real thing!
There’s a website! A cute logo with a cartoon bear! A text input box!
All you have to do is type what you’re thinking and hit SEND.
It’s that easy!
No more late-night cravings!
No more dopamine withdrawals!
No more oops-I-shouldn’t-have-tweeted-that-before-boarding-an-airplane regrets!
With Brizzly, you can enjoy all the benefits of social media without any of the downsides.
No begging for favs and retweets. No notifications blowing up your phone.
No stalkers! No bots! No spam! No Russian hackers!
No fighting! No bigotry! No harassment!
No abuse reports that do nothing!
No low-IQ basement dwellers arguing about the validity of historical facts!
And best of all, no Alex Jones!
Can you believe it? It really works! Post for yourself and see how easy it is to feel like you shared!
And all this without any of the repercussions that come from supporting platforms that turn a blind eye to the mess they’ve created with their ridiculous and naive policies!
I’ve been using Brizzly for a whole hour now, and I can tell you it works!
You can scratch that itch to share something no one cares about — what you had for lunch, your dumb political opinions, what you’re doing RIGHT NOW — and get back to your life. In seconds!
Brizzly works on any device — it’s just a website!
It’s live now and entirely free!
What are you waiting for?
* Footnote, for the thoroughly confused:
This is a joke, but Brizzly was a startup back in the day that served as a third-party Twitter client. The app launched in 2009 from the team at Thing Labs, founded by Jason Shellen, most recently, head of Platform at Slack. Shellen has been involved with social apps for years. He co-founded and sold Hike Labs to Pinterest; worked with Blogger before its acquisition by Google; and is still well-known as the founding PM at Google Reader. He began Thing Labs after leaving Google, where Brizzly was created. AOL bought Thing Labs, and he ended up working there on the rebranding of AIM.
Shellen today tweeted he bought back Brizzly, which he turned it into this silly website for now.
The posts really do go nowhere — it’s not a trick. The code is just a form reset.
Shellen tells us he may end up using the Brizzly domain for something else in the future — he has a few ideas — but is nowhere close to launching anything at present.
